If These Walls Could Talk

Downstairs Bathroom

19-year-old son stumbles in and flops onto the toilet

Toilet Wall: Code Red, everyone. Code Red!
Mirror Wall: He just stuffed a Chipotle bag in the trash. We're in this for the long haul, boys.
Son: Ugh, leave me alone! I need to concentrate.
Picture Wall: Then don't start playing Tiny Wings this time. Last time you were here for half an hour.
Mirror Wall: We nearly died of suffocation.
Son: This is my bathroom and I'll take however long I want.
Toilet Wall: At least give us a courtesy flush.
Son: Just give me a little privacy.
Picture Wall: I have an idea. Have your dad build an outhouse in the backyard. Win-win.
Son: It's the middle of the winter. I'd freeze to death.
Mirror Wall: Better than suffocating to death.
Son: Look, no one's enjoying this. But the sooner you quit bugging me the faster I'll be.
Toilet Wall: He has us cornered. Radio silence, fellas.

2 minutes later

Picture Wall: The smell. It's… it's seeping into my drywall.

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Living Room

A family of 4 sits in the living room to watch Season 2 of Breaking Bad.

Wall Behind TV: Hey. HEY! What're you watching? I can't see!
Dad: We're watching a show as a family. You're not in the family, so please be quiet.
WBTV: I'D KILL TO WATCH SOMETHING. IT'S SO BORING NOT SEEING ANYTHING.

The family exchanges disgruntled looks
WBTV: I HEARD GUN SHOTS, IS EVERYONE OKAY?
Dad: It's the TV. It's always the TV. Just shut up.
WBTV: I wish you'd put a TV on the opposite wall too. That'd be nice. Wouldn't that be nice?
Dad: We're not putting two TVs in here just so you can watch too.
WBTV: Hey, let's listen to music!
Dad: No.
WBTV: (singing) You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes…
Dad: We never should've taken that wallpaper down.

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Tween Girl's Bedroom

Wall #1: I swear, if she puts another One Direction poster on me, I'm gonna crack.
Wall #2: At least she's using the putty on you! I'm full of holes thanks to all those collages she tacks on me. 
Wall #1: Oh, you want the putty do you? Every time she peels something off half of me goes with her! And I haven't had a paint job in years.
Wall #2: Poor white wall. I'm haute pink. Huate. Pink. Can you even comprehend how emasculating that is? 
Wall #1: I'm actually Ivory Lace. Not white. Thank you very much.
Footsteps can be heard outside the door
Wall #2: No, no, no. She's coming back.
Jessica enters with a newly crafted collage of her besties
Wall #1: Be strong.
Jessica stabs an insane amount of tacks onto Wall #2
Wall #2: AAAAHHHHHH! AAHHHH! IS THERE NO GOD?!

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